Be Careful, Exes... Novels happen.

Disclaimer: I'm on a serious Taylor Swift kick lately.

On August 9^th, 2012, I posted this status on Facebook:

...lmao. I told the UPS guy I got my divorce papers today, and he was like "Oooh, Lord! Praise Jesus!"

I wouldn't exactly put it that way, but yep. lmao!

Getting divorced is one of the hardest things that I’ve ever had to go through. It wasn’t just that I loved my ex-husband. Sometimes I’m not even sure if it was actually love anymore, even though it probably was. I will admit that our relationship wasn’t the healthiest. I did depend on him a lot, but I was in school. He told me it was okay for me to focus on school while I finished out my English degree, even though he made me feel guilty about it while we went through the divorce.

(FYI sorry if there are run-on sentences. I’m in the middle of Camp NaNoWriMo and this is an exercise to keep myself from editing…and maybe it’s creative nonfiction).

I’m practicing this thing where I act more positive. So, here’s a list of things I’ve learned about myself since the divorce:

I am stronger.

I’m an angst whore. I know this contradicts the whole positivity thing but I’ve learned a good cry over fictional characters can be therapeutic. You’re inhuman if a tremulous love story doesn’t tear you up. It makes for really awesome New Adult Romance. The divorce inspired Cheap Guitars, the debut novel I finished a year after we got divorced. I don’t think I would had I not broken up with him.

If I hadn’t gotten divorced, I might not have watched The Vampire Diaries, and I might not have met the amazing girls who turned me onto reading angst. XD For my fanfiction readers, All This Time would’ve never been written.

I have had the wonderful privilege of being a step mom to an amazing kid. He still jokes around and calls me Mom. I’ll always be there for him, no matter what happened between me and his father. I definitely want kids, but I’m just not sure when I’m going to have my own. I’m just glad I didn’t have any with the ex.

I’ve been hardened when it comes to relationships falling through. Well, maybe not from the last semi-serious one because I fell in love with him so fast, but I am able to turn any negative/ill feelings I have toward someone quickly now (and writing helps that too).

I learned I am able to take care of myself despite not yet being totally by myself. Living with Mom isn’t the end of the world. I am finally ready to learn to drive. I have an amazing job, something I might not have ever thought about doing had I stayed with him. I might not have even ever published had I stayed with him… or made the awesome friends I have now.

I sincerely enjoy being able to do what I want, when I want, on my own time. I’m not even sure how well I would do in a relationship anymore because I have gotten so used to doing things my own way. I love coming home after work and spending hours on the computer writing my romance stories. You would think it’s hard to write after going through something as traumatic as a divorce. It’s not. I can still be a hopeless romantic, albeit a careful one.

Exes best be careful if they piss me off. Romance novels happen.

My girlfriends can really come through when I need them. They inspire me. They make me laugh so hard I can’t think straight. It wasn’t long after the marriage ended that I started having giggle fits that lasted so long I had trouble breathing once the girls got me going. They give awesome advice, like go watch mindless reality television until my brain needs to reboot so that I can kick start my brain and write again. It works. They give my exes HILARIOUS names that will probably make it into a story at some point. (Geekless, Doorknob, or something I really can’t say in a blog, anyone? XD—actually, this is where Dickie came from for Richard in Cheap Guitars.)

Besides, I’m so glad I’m no longer married to a Doorknob who decided it was okay to use curtains his first ex-wife made—and that hung in our living room—into vests for the groom and groomsmen in his third wedding.

I’m about to start giggling so hard at myself that I can’t move again. Lmao, on that note, I think I’m gonna call it a night on this post. If you have any funny stories about getting over a divorce or break up, feel free to share them with me!