On August 9th,
2012, I posted this status on Facebook:
...lmao. I told the UPS guy I got my
divorce papers today, and he was like "Oooh, Lord! Praise Jesus!"
I wouldn't exactly put it that way, but
yep. lmao!
Getting
divorced is one of the hardest things that I’ve ever had to go through. It wasn’t
just that I loved my ex-husband. Sometimes I’m not even sure if it was actually
love anymore, even though it probably was. I will admit that our relationship wasn’t
the healthiest. I did depend on him a lot, but I was in school. He told me it
was okay for me to focus on school while I finished out my English degree, even
though he made me feel guilty about it while we went through the divorce.
(FYI sorry if
there are run-on sentences. I’m in the middle of Camp NaNoWriMo and this is an exercise
to keep myself from editing…and maybe it’s creative nonfiction).
I’m practicing this
thing where I act more positive. So, here’s a list of things I’ve learned about
myself since the divorce:
I am stronger.
I’m an angst
whore. I know this contradicts the whole positivity thing but I’ve learned a good
cry over fictional characters can be therapeutic. You’re inhuman if a tremulous
love story doesn’t tear you up. It makes for really awesome New Adult Romance.
The divorce inspired Cheap Guitars, the
debut novel I finished a year after we got divorced. I don’t think I would had
I not broken up with him.
If I hadn’t
gotten divorced, I might not have watched The
Vampire Diaries, and I might not have met the amazing girls who turned me
onto reading angst. XD For my fanfiction readers, All This Time would’ve never been written.
I have had the
wonderful privilege of being a step mom to an amazing kid. He still jokes
around and calls me Mom. I’ll always be there for him, no matter what happened
between me and his father. I definitely want kids, but I’m just not sure when I’m
going to have my own. I’m just glad I didn’t have any with the ex.
I’ve been hardened
when it comes to relationships falling through. Well, maybe not from the last
semi-serious one because I fell in love with him so fast, but I am able to turn
any negative/ill feelings I have toward someone quickly now (and writing helps
that too).
I learned I am
able to take care of myself despite not yet being totally by myself. Living
with Mom isn’t the end of the world. I am finally ready to learn to drive. I have
an amazing job, something I might not have ever thought about doing had I
stayed with him. I might not have even ever published had I stayed with him… or
made the awesome friends I have now.
I sincerely enjoy
being able to do what I want, when I want, on my own time. I’m not even sure
how well I would do in a relationship anymore because I have gotten so used to
doing things my own way. I love coming home after work and spending hours on
the computer writing my romance stories. You would think it’s hard to write after
going through something as traumatic as a divorce. It’s not. I can still be a hopeless romantic, albeit a careful one.
Exes best be
careful if they piss me off. Romance novels happen.
My
girlfriends can really come through when I need them. They inspire me. They
make me laugh so hard I can’t think straight. It wasn’t long after the marriage
ended that I started having giggle fits that lasted so long I had trouble
breathing once the girls got me going. They give awesome advice, like go watch
mindless reality television until my brain needs to reboot so that I can kick
start my brain and write again. It works. They give my exes HILARIOUS names
that will probably make it into a story at some point. (Geekless, Doorknob, or
something I really can’t say in a blog, anyone? XD—actually, this is where
Dickie came from for Richard in Cheap
Guitars.)
Besides,
I’m so glad I’m no longer married to a Doorknob who decided it was okay to use
curtains his first ex-wife made—and that hung in our living room—into vests for
the groom and groomsmen in his third wedding.
I’m
about to start giggling so hard at myself that I can’t move again. Lmao, on
that note, I think I’m gonna call it a night on this post. If you have any
funny stories about getting over a divorce or break up, feel free to share them
with me!
